A little faith

First day of class is tomorrow.  All the previous students have told us that it’s a lot of work, and that we should be prepared to work hard.  I’m really excited to get started.  I feel like a lot of my undergrad was spent just going through the motions, trying to just get my degree and get the hell out.

It’s different this time, though.  After five years of undergrad, not knowing what I wanted to do, changing my mind every other day, I feel like I’m finally meant to be where I am, doing what I’m doing.

I keep thinking how lucky I am to be here.  I honestly fell into this program.  One of my professors at SDSU told our class about it because she’s one of the professors of this master’s program.  She took about ten minutes aside in the beginning of class just go show us this PowerPoint presentation which gave a brief over view of the program.  Usually when teachers or guests come in to talk about a master’s program or a travel abroad program I kind of don’t pay attention.  Because I would figure, A.) I don’t have know what the hell I want to do with my life, so how could I choose a master’s program, and B.) If it’s some sort of travel abroad opportunity, I probably can’t afford it, or my parents just won’t let me for some reason or another.

But for some reason, (probably the slides that had pictures of the clear, turquoise waters and gorgeous beaches) my attention was captured, and sure enough, I looked into it right after class.  I remember calling my parents and telling them about it, and emailing them the PowerPoint from the website.  My dad initially dismissed the idea.  “Sure, maybe if you win the lottery.”  But don’t get me wrong, my dad is such a supportive person in my life.  Probably more so than anyone else.  He really truly believes that I’m capable of doing whatever it is I want.  He just assumed right up front that it would be out of our means, and I fully understand.  Putting three girls through college is probably extremely stressful.  But obviously, right at first, I did not take too kindly to his comment.

My mom was unsure at first, but looked into it, and soon after talking to her friends who assured her that traveling abroad is an amazing experience for students, she talked it over with my dad.

And sure enough, here I am.  I never thought it would actually happen.  It all kind of felt like something I was talking for forever about that would never actually come.  “I’m moving to Malta for school” just didn’t seem real.  It is now just beginning to feel real.

I feel that already I’ve experienced things that are teaching me so much about myself.  I mean, we learn new things about the world and ourselves every day, don’t we?  But I don’t think I’ve encountered so much more than I’m used to in the span of about a week.

I’ve experienced miscommunications.  I’ve gotten lost (a lot).  I’ve been completely confused. I’ve felt out of the loop.  I’ve felt like an outsider. I’ve come across strong personalities (for lack of a more appropriate way of putting it), as well as extremely warm and welcoming personalities.  I’ve been disappointed. I’ve been flustered.  I’ve fallen on my ass a couple (maybe more than a couple) times.  I cried in front of some strangers.  I even picked up a UTI and peed myself in public.  Yes, really.

But I’ve been completely in awe since I’ve arrived.  I’ve been at loss for words.  I’ve been given this opportunity, this once in a lifetime opportunity, in one of the most beautiful places in the world.  Every day I walk down the street I can’t believe I’m here.  I’m pretty sure I’ve said that in every post I’ve written since I’ve been here.

Now I’m sitting here at the main campus in Msida (where I almost moved), waiting outside the International and EU offices for this lady to come back from her lunch break.  This morning I went to get my chest scan (a health requirement of all international students), and then I walked here.  I’ve really enjoyed these last couple days walking around by myself, just me and my thoughts.  My mom being here has been…interesting.  In good ways and bad.  But I’m glad I have been able to break away today.

I didn’t get lost today.  Today I feel confident, I feel like I know my way.  And if I do happen to get lost, I’m not worried about it.  I know I’ll find my way.  See, I like being on my own, and having only myself to rely on.   The pressure is taken off of my shoulders, and I can relax and tell myself that this is all just a learning experience.  I can see it for what it is and not get caught up in little things that don’t ultimately matter.

It used to piss me off when people would say, “Don’t worry, it’ll all turn out fine.”  Like, really, how do you know?  How do they know it will?  But today, I really believe it.  I know I’m going to be fine.

Now, I just need to track down some 100% real cranberry juice.  What’s up with this 30% real juice, and 70% bullsh*t, bullsh*t.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s