In fashion, trends come and go at a very fast pace, and I get that. But hopping aboard these fashions only when they’re widely accepted as “cool” is where I have a bone to pick.
It’s like being a bandwagoner in the realm of sports (which a lot of you LA people should know a lot about). Being a proponent only when they’re winning is obnoxious. And infinitely more annoying especially when you were just hating them during the drought.
If I happen to enjoy the leg-elongating perks of a flare, or the female form-accentuating effects of high-waisted denim, or the comfort of the Birkenstock while you’re f^@%ing your feet over in heels every day (you look like a moron trying to walk in them, anyway) — don’t knock it ’til you try it.
And definitely don’t change your mind once they come back in style or I won’t let you forget it. Haters.
5. Flared Denim
The flare or “bell bottoms” have come a long way since the sailor days. And remember when Limited Too was the sh*t and they carried those terrible, bedazzled flares? I had a couple pairs myself, complete with peace sign and butterfly patches. I get how they can be a scarring experience, but growing up, I just can’t deny they magic they work in creating the illusion that my legs look like like they go on for daaayz.
I’ll never forget working retail in 2010 when we were completely stocked with skinny jeans, and only skinny jeans. Seriously. It was pretty much “The Skinny,” “The Skinnier than Skinny,” or “The Super Crazy Skin-Tight Skinny”. A lady walked in the store with flare jeans on. Immediately my coworker snickers, “Who the hell wears flares anymore?” And I kid you not, merely a year later, once they had made a serious comeback, this very flare-naysaying coworker of mine posts a photo of the once-God forsaken style on Instagram, captioned: “Gotta love a great flare!”
Don’t think I forgot.
4. Birkenstock Sandals
I’ve been wearing these babies since I could walk. Well, kind of. Only I didn’t actually own my own until much later. My youngest memory is trying on my Daddy’s gigantic, beat up, brown Birks with my itty bitty baby feet, and slow sliding and flopping them across the kitchen floor.
Recently made cool again by Vogue.
Another The Limited Too favorite coming back full steam. AND I had them in floral. Winning.
If Kate wore it, it should be deemed forever cool. Take note of that.
2. “Mom Jeans”
I am THEE, number 1, high-waisted anything enthusiast. It is just so extremely flattering! And comfortable! Say goodbye to muffin tops forever. And stop with your “Ew, camel toe,” comments, because if you get the right fit, you will be in love forever.
Recently made cool again by TopShop.
1. “Granny Panties”
Recently made cool again, as discussed by Fashionista.
And as so perfectly declared by Diane Keaton below (another reason the woman is my hero. And whatever, Mandy, she looks far from depressing!):
(P.S. Have you tried a high-waisted swim suit?)
For those of you with a certain calling for the ugly, matronly or widely labeled “outdated”: Be you, be proud. That sh*t will come back in style soon anyway.